Sins of the Fathers: Why too much “Compassion” is
Published : July 14, 2017
The study, conducted by the Higher Education Policy Institute, surveyed 2,000 high school graduates bound for college. Over half of respondents did not understand the simple process of paying bills, and a majority believed that a night out partying would cost them more than monthly rent for an apartment.
A whopping 61% of these post-pubescent perpetual adolescents reported crippling angst at the prospect of starting college, and almost as many complained of anxiety-driven sleep disorders. Over a quarter of these students suffered panic attacks. Only half understood that a place to live would be their biggest expense after tuition.
Not surprisingly, the recommended solution for generation binky is more programs designed to facilitate transition from high school to university via a return to the cradle. In other words, we need ever more expensive and sociologically specious interventions designed to further infantilize, patronize, and dissociate a rising generation of people from the realities and responsibilities of adulthood. As if all the safe spaces, coloring books, puppy therapies, and hand-holding reforms of the modern campus just don’t go far enough toward recreating the perfect Millennial habitat: the solipsistic sanctuary of WiFi womb.
Progressives will not stop until student adults old enough to drive, vote, and consume alcohol regress back to a state of amniotic amnesia, where they eat without the stress of chewing and poop without the mess of wiping, free from the debilitating somatic burdens of basic biology. Surely, the future marriage-less coupling of technology and progressivism will finally engender the parturition of the cordless umbilical cord: an unbroken uterine Bluetooth connectivity between the co-ed and the crib that guarantees the uninterrupted bliss so denied by the harsh and unfair expectations of nature and nurture.
The enlightened liberal enclave of haute couture, after all, is already on the forefront of just such a neonatal revival, giving us in short order the pajama boy, the man bun, the adult romper, and Shia LaBeouf.
Never fear, America, that one day in your nursing home dotage—despoiled by the ravages of time from control of your brain, your bladder, and your bank account—that your care will rest in the hands of these same Millennials. Who better to understand the second childhood of senility? And while they might be incapable of tending your bed sores, replacing your catheter, or managing your rapidly dwindling finances, they will surely be able to relate to your anile delusions and incoherent baby talk.
Look on the bright side: as always, what’s bad for the country, liberty, and self-determination is good for Democrats, whose very existence depends on an infantile and dependent constituency. Judging by the overwhelming “success” of progressive education, the future of the Democrat Party is demographically secure for decades to come. If nothing else, America, you can bet that the Dems will dramatically raise taxes to subsidize your elderly care, and seize half your estate via the death tax to fund more campus initiatives that seek to reduce university students to children so they can be molded into Democrat voters. The circle of life!